My first meeting with Achaan was exactly 40 years ago. I was the first Thai female to study at Visva Bharati University, better known as Santiniketan, in India, and in 1963 Achaan Sulak visited us. I was a second year B.A. student in the department of Philosophy, Siksha Bhavan. It was in December, during Posh Mela, the winter festival, and the festive mood prevailed not only in the university campus but also the whole village. The Mela was held on a large open field in front of the university.


Among the Thai students, there were two monks doing an M.A. in Philosophy, one was Ven.Maha Samrit and the other was Ven.Maha Thongyod who is now the abbot of the Thai Temple in Bodh Gaya in India. There were three female students, the other two were in their first year and I was senior being in the second year of study, though not by age.

Our contribution to the Mela was to set up a stall selling tea and sweets. The unique characteristic of the sweets were carved sweet potatoes, the art I learned from Rajinibon school. It was impressive and the professors like our contribution.

Achaan Sulak came to visit Santiniketan at this time. I met him in the morning when we three Thai girls went to see the monks who were like our big brothers - we never went to see the monks alone - and to consult about the setting of the stall. Achaan was staying with the monks, and the Venerable Thongyod introduced us to Achaan. We paid respects to him, sensing that he must be somebody important since our venerable monks expressed a definite sense of respect even nonverbally. I did not recall if Achaan actually visited our stall in the evening as we were totally involved in turning ourselves in to business women for a day.

We came to know that Achaan has a sharp, critical tongue and after some months the monks showed us an article that Achaan wrote about his visit to Santiniketan. He did not say anything about us, the female students. The Venerable monks said that was a good sign already, because if he saw something not becoming, he would have mentioned it in his writing.

That was my first experience with the Achaan.

His face was so stern, I wondered if he ever got tired of keeping that face and if he knew how to smile or not. I was then 18 years old.

From India I went to Canada to further my studies, then came back and based my career at Thammasat University in Bangkok. My second encounter with him was at Chulalongkorn University. It must have been early in the 1970s and we were at a dining table having lunch after a seminar. I sat just opposite to him at the table. I think I purposely chose to place myself there to have an opportunity to talk to him.

I collected all my courage from my previous lives and initiated the conversation. I mentioned about our first meeting in India way back in 1963. He could not recall meeting me, but he could remember the Santiniketan visit. His face was as stern as ever, the same face I remembered that had made a strong imprint on my young mind. I began feeling strained, and may even have felt slight indigestion. Then I remembered another connection, my teacher and mentor, Prof.Jan Yun hua, a Chinese professor who migrated from India to Canada, and Achaan was supposed to know him. After having given many details about him, Achaan simply responded with "Yes" and that was the end of our conversation. I was perspiring and at the end of my wits. Boy! (or Girl!), talking to Achaan took so much effort and courage.

All the time that I was sitting across the dining table trying to talk to him, he was staring at me with piercing eyes as though he was trying to read my intentions. Well, there was no intention, I just want to talk to him, period. I was scared stiff. I did not feel positive with my second encounter with this great man...well, at least people told me he was a great man.

There was a long gap, and I did not meet him in Thailand next, but quite a few times we met at international meetings and conferences abroad. Western Buddhists whom I met always asked if I know Achaan - he has strong connections outside the country.

Meanwhile I have done some readings from his books, and I learned a great deal from the vast knowledge he has. I think he is the only person in Thailand who is able to give a larger perspective on Thailand in relationship to the rest of the world. He is the only thinker and activist who has a strong base in Buddhist teaching. Whatever topic he touches on he can always bring it back to his spiritual base, his Buddhist roots.

He has started many organizations under the same umbrella. You may visualize seeing him holding on to many kites, each one with different shape and different colour, each floats and dances in the air, but all of them, however, are controlled in his able hand. He attracts groups of young people who are disappointed with the existing social and political structure and trying to move in a new direction to make available an alternative lifestyle for Thai society.

The group of people who work for him dress in a very simple way like the local villagers. He has set an example by following local Thai dress codes and he is quite serious about it. Someone crocheted a shirt for him in dark blue color, so he needed to wear a white shirt underneath otherwise it would be a real see-through. I saw him wearing this more than once. He sure has a strong self-confidence when it comes to dress code. I appreciated this move towards Thai dress code as I myself always wore Thai style dresses to work but maybe for a different reason. For me, Thai dress code was an alternative so that I did not have to consume much. While it was not fashionable, it also did not become outdated. I developed my own style of dress for economic reason more than trying to be Thai, or to preserve Thai culture through my dress code.

Yes, he uses a walking cane, and his cane seemed to be getting fancier every time I saw him. No, he is not that old to have to walk with the support of the walking cane. I guess it must be his style, he is making yet another statement. And come to think of it, he could use it for self defense too.

Later in the past two decades when my own work was more pronounced in supporting women in Buddhism, I got more and more invitations from his organizations to participate at various meetings and conferences. When I organized the International Buddhist women's conference in 1991 at Thammasat University, he was not personally involved but he was very kind to allow Khun Ladda, his personal secretary, to help us prepare for the conference for two months. Also, Khun Pipob and Khun Preeda from his organization rendered great assistance during the actual conference itself. I have never given them enough thanks and expressed the proper appreciation they deserved. I felt inadequate and ashamed of my shortcomings, even up to this minute. With this expression, I hope I can, somehow, rectify my past shortcomings.

The support I got directly from Achaan came out very clearly after my ordination. Some of our readers may not be aware, but Thailand is a country 700 years old, with a strong Theravada background. The total population is 62 millions and 95% of them are so-called Buddhists. The Buddhist Sangha in Thailand is exclusively male, and their population is 300,000 with 25,000 temples spread throughout the country.

My ordination as a female novice in Theravada Buddhism that took place in Sri Lanka turned a new page of history for Buddhism in Thailand. The year I was ordained, 2001, I was listed among the 50 leading people who brought about social changes in the country by the Bangkok Post, the leading English daily newspaper.

The news of my ordination came as a blow when Channel V Television station controlled by the military banned three of my interviews. The media protested and some saw this as infringement on the right for the media to have access to what is going on. The case of my ordination was a headline for some newspapers continuously for 2 months. There were many strong protests expressed by individuals, a few senior monks, some ex-monks, and many nasty letters through the internet. There was lots of negative energy spent on the issue. Some senior monks insisted that ordination of women is not possible and literally we have to wait for the Buddha to reintroduce it. There were letters sent out internationally declaring me an imposter. A friend in Taiwan and a friend in Sri Lanka got the same five-page letter.

In the internet, they wrote a new biography saying that I was a lesbian, that I led a very colorful life, etc. I was warned by my Buddhist friend in Sri Lanka that I would have to go through "character assassination" which was fine with me, as I have to practice letting go of myself any way. It will be a tough job for other persons to try to assassinate me, as there is no "me" to begin with. However, I published all the negative letters addressed to me in our newsletter - after all I am a historian. Recording all the pros and cons in the long run will be beneficial for our society since they can look back and to analyze the factors involved with the introduction of the female sangha.

During this difficult period, I was invited for many TV interviews and talks. Achaan always accepted the invitations and came forward to give a clear explanation of the issues, not supporting me personally but reminded the audience of the true purpose and true message of the Buddha, which indirectly was supportive to my work.

One of the beautiful attitudes of Buddhism is its free spirit and openness. There is no caste, gender, or race limitation in Buddhism. Achaan spoke well from his solid Buddhist foundation, the one layperson whom the Sangha had to respect. He knows all the ins-and-outs of the Dhamma and Vinaya. The public trusts him for his knowledge and standpoint. Whatever he says always makes a strong impact.

In February 2002 Achaan's organization hosted an Ariyavinaya meeting at Ashram Wongsanit that I attended and invited all the bhikkhunis (ordained nuns) who came for that meeting to visit our temple. We took this auspicious opportunity to arrange a samaneri ordination at Songdhammakalyani temple.

On that day Achaan was attending a conference in Pathumthani but he rushed in and be at our temple in time to witness the first samaneri ordination at our temple, the first ever performed in Thailand. He had first hand experience how the ordination was conducted flawlessly according to the dhamma and vinaya with the presence of a pavattini (bhikkhuni preceptor) to give the ordination. The Sanghas consisted of both a chapter of 9 bhikkhunis and 6 bhikkhus. Achaan was requested to honor the Sri Lankan preceptor by offering a Buddha image as a gift.

On the same day he was invited to preside over the opening ceremony of the library at our temple amidst the chanting of the bhikkhus and bhikkhunis. When Khun Harin Sukhavajna visited our temple recently, he said he had helped Achaan Sulak with his publishing house for many years and asked if Achaan had visited our temple. I replied positively and pointed to the plastic sign with the name of the library that Achaan selected to honor our temple when he presided over the ceremony to open the library. He had chosen to name the library after Ven.Bhikkhuni Voramai Kabilsingh's ordained name, "Maha Bodhi Dhamma." Khun Harin asked if Achaan complained about the plastic board we used, but Achaan was polite and had not said anything. Nevertheless, Khun Harin promised to change the signboard for us by engraving letters on a plank of teak wood. I already can visualize a beautiful library name that would receive Achaan's approval.

During the vassa (rain retreat) the Religious Committee for Social Development, one of his organizations, co-hosted a 3-month training for Buddhist women for social service together with Songdhammakalyani temple and the project on Women and Peace. This training will eventually prepare possible candidates to seek for higher ordination.

With Achaan's true spirit of a Buddhist, his far-sightedness, his compassion for his Dhamma sisters, he is very much one of the few key persons to make the wish of the Buddha becomes a reality, namely to establish four groups of Buddhists: bhikkhus, bhikkhunis, laymen and laywomen. The Buddha further trusted that Buddhism will prosper with the working together of these four groups of Buddhists. By introducing bhikkhuni ordination to Thailand and beginning the long missing lineage is in fact a humble act to pay respect to the Buddha.

At this stage in life when Achaan is approaching his 70 th birthday, I feel comfortable talking to him and receiving encouragement and support from him. He is very economical in his words at a personal level, but his heart is full. He has his own reason for not opening up his heart to a new encounter. If we were in his shoes, we would be equally cautious. It is not easy to live with him as some of his close associates say, but glimpses of Achaan that I have snatched here and there when he was off guard, I would not be wrong to say that he is a very soft person and needs lots of love and understanding from all of us, his friends.

It took me 40 years to come to write about him and to feel comfortable with him, but now I can truly extend love, care, and compassion to him. I remember him in my prayers and wish him peace and happiness always.

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1. As can be seen in her essay, Ven. Dhamananda has played a historical role in Thailand by being the first Thai woman to ordain as a novice nun in the Theravadin tradition when she went to Sri Lanka in 2001. Then she arranged the first ordination of a Thai novice nun in Thailand in her home temple in 2002. These actions broke a 700-year-old tradition in Thailand that had excluded women from undertaking full ordination equal to men. Ven. Dhammananda was well prepared for her role. Earlier in 1971 her mother had traveled to Taiwan to undertake Mahayana ordination as a nun named Maha Bodhi Dhamma. Ven. Dhammananda's doctoral dissertation was a comparative study of the rules for nuns that has been published as A Comparative Study of Bhikkhuni Patimokkha (1984). Also, she helped to organize the first International Buddhist Women's Conferences beginning in 1987, and regularly publishes a newsletter for Buddhist women called Yasodara.